Always II
by Hearts Desire
Summary: Marco contemplates after seeing Dylan with another guy


A/N- It's been a while since I've been here, and not just becuase I have so many other fics to worry about! I honestly didn't think that I would come back here, but here I am. As I was writting a fic of the same name in the wrestling fandom, I thought that I could use the same idea in the Degrassi fandom. I hope that you don't end up throwing tomatoes or anything at me, it's just a short one shot.  
  
Also, if anyone is interested, I have a fanfiction website. It is mostly WWE, but I am willing to make another section for Degrassi if I get enough interest, since I am getting more interested in writting it. Just e-mail me or put it in a review if you are interested.  
  
  
  
Title: Always  
  
Author: Hearts Desire  
  
  
  
I hear... a voice say "Don't be so blind"...   
  
it's telling me all these things...   
  
that you would probably hide...   
  
am I... your one and only desire...   
  
am I the reason you breathe...   
  
or am I the reason you cry...   
  
  
  
As I sit here, and I think about everything that I have been through in the past year or so, it's hard to think that I would have made it this far if I didn't think I had the slightest chance with you. From teh first time I laid eyes on you, I thought you were the most gorgeous thing I had ever seen.  
  
Your smile, your beautiful blonde hair, those amazing grey-like eyes. To be honest, it was a bit overwhelming. I was so unsure, but I knew that I had feelings for you. That's probably what scares me so much.  
  
I never had feelings for you like I did anyone else. It was a new and foreign consept to me. I mean, I was a guy ... I was supossed to like girls. I was supossed to like Ellie, or Hazel, hell or maybe even Paige, who knows. But I didn't. I liked you.  
  
  
  
Always... always... always... always... always... always... always...   
  
I just can't live without you...   
  
I love you...   
  
I hate you...   
  
I can't get around you...   
  
I breathe you...   
  
I taste you...   
  
I can't live without you...   
  
I just can't take any more...   
  
this life of solitude...   
  
I guess that i'm out the door...   
  
and now i'm done with you...   
  
  
  
Once I got over my fear, from both these new feelings I was having and from that parking lot jumping, I begun to realize that I had nothing to worry about. I had all my friends on my side. Well, almost all of them, but let's leave Spinner out of this one for once.  
  
And that day, in the office, when that kid called you a name and you defended yourself to the fullest ... I didn't let you know at the time, but I thought that that was just amazing. If you had the courage to be yourself to anyone and everyone, then I knew that I could do it, too.  
  
Honestly, I can say that your display of courage probably saved my life. .... Well, once.  
  
  
  
I feel... like you don't want me around...   
  
I guess i'll pack all my things...   
  
I guess i'll see you around...   
  
Its all... been bottled up until now...   
  
as I walk out your door...   
  
all I hear is the sound...   
  
  
  
I don't know what to do now. Once again I am confused. We haven't seen each other a lot lately. Maybe just once or twice around school. I want to be closer to you, I really do ... but ...  
  
Well, it really shouldn't be any business to me, but something Paige said the other day at lunch got me jumbled. She said that she had seen you out and around with some guys and that ...  
  
Well, that she thought you and one of them were getting pretty close.   
  
She obviously didn't know how badly it hurt me to hear that becuase she was so pleased for you. You had been single a long time and it was 'about time' you 'hooked up with someone else'. Well, that's how she put it. She's so happy for you. I guess that I should be, too, but I just can't get past this feeling I'm having for you.  
  
I want you here with me, not off with some other guy.  
  
  
  
Always... always... always... always... always... always... always...   
  
I just can't live without you...   
  
I love you...   
  
I hate you...   
  
I can't get around you...   
  
I breathe you...   
  
I taste you...   
  
I can't live without you...   
  
I just can't take any more...   
  
this life of solitude...   
  
I guess that i'm out the door...   
  
and now i'm done with you...   
  
I love you...   
  
I hate you...   
  
I can't live without you...   
  
I left my head around your heart...   
  
Why would you tear my world apart...   
  
Always... always... always... always...   
  
  
  
I was so sure that we were getting closer. I was so sure that we would end up with each other, but I guess that fate had another plan for us. Or something like that, I don't know, I've been doing a lot of thinking lately.  
  
I saw you the other day, with that guy that Paige must have been talking about. He's not bad looking by any means, definatley better looking than I think that I am. He's tall, with blonde hair almost like yours. He's in your grade as well, I know because I've seen him around.  
  
Anyways, when I saw you two together, running around and having fun, just enjoying being with each other ... it was like a dozen sharp knifes were stabbing in to my heart. My stomach pitted and I just stood there watching you two for a little. Some time, I gathered my wits about me and left.  
  
I had seen enough and was ready to close myself off.  
  
  
  
I see... the blood all over your hands...   
  
does it make you feel... more like a man...   
  
was it all... just a part of your plan...   
  
the pistol's shakin' in my hands...   
  
and all I hear is the sound...   
  
  
  
I'm holding that little razor in my hands now. I know that I shouldn't do it. Especially after all that Ellie had been through, but the glinting of the razor looks so appitizing at this point.  
  
Thinking back on it, this reminds me a lot of Ellie. This must have been what she felt like. Alone, vulnerable, only able to releave her feelings through one thing ... her own blood.  
  
I don't know. Her case was different. She wasn't sitting here, crying over some guy that would probably be a lot happier without me. I feel like I'm in a soap opera. I'm that dark brunette who catches her boyfriend with another girl, maybe even her best friend.  
  
  
  
I love you...   
  
I hate you...   
  
I can't live without you...   
  
I breathe you...   
  
I taste you...   
  
I can't live without you...   
  
I just can't take any more...   
  
this life of solitude...   
  
I guess that i'm out the door...   
  
and now i'm done with you...   
  
  
  
Slumping back for a minute, I look at the tiny cut that I have made with the razor. It's bleeding slightly, but I did it on the side of my wrist, not over the vein. I don't know ... a million different thoughts are going through my head. I know that this is wrong. I know better than to do this.  
  
But at the same time it feels so right. In a way, it was displaying the knives in my heart and my heart bleeding over the fact that I might never get to have you as my own. I know that I am only 15 years old and I should be out, having fun and forgetting any of this ever happened, but ...  
  
You've completely stolen my heart. This isn't like the little things I had with Hazel or with Ellie. I am completely falling for you, but you don't see it.  
  
  
  
I love you...   
  
I hate you...   
  
I can't live without you...   
  
I love you...   
  
I hate you...   
  
I can't live without you...   
  
I just can't take any more...  
  
this life of solitude...   
  
  
  
I'm jostled out of my thoughts for a mintue by the phone ringing in the other room. My parents aren't home so I have the house to myself and I know that if I don't answer it no one will.  
  
I don't really feel like leavingmy room, though, I feel safe here. We have our machine set,so I could just as easily wait until I finish here and let the machine answer it. Mom and Dad'll hear it when they get home.  
  
I'm just wasting time thinking about this and I ready the blade again. But then, just barely in the other room, I hear ...  
  
  
  
"Marco, it's Dylan. I know what you saw the other day, and I'm sorry. We need to talk ..."  
  
  
  
I pick myself off the floor...   
  
and now i'm done with you...   
  
Always...  
  
Always...   
  
Always...  
  
  
  
So I put the knife down and run to the other room. I hope and pray you haven't hung up yet. I get out there just as you are saying goodbye and quickly pick up the phone.  
  
"Dylan, it's Marco. Yeah, we need to talk ... I have something to tell you." 


End file.
